I will never be perfect. I need to stop trying to be perfect or pretending that I am or I will just flush my dreams down the drain. I need to stop burying my head in the sand and face my own imperfections with dignity and embrace them with open arms. I guess its hard to do that when your mother who raised you tells you that she is disappointed in you for not being the perfect son and all you do is try to live up to those expectations. Now I have begun to think that those expectations are unrealistic and based upon the idealization of who I should be and not who I am.
I am sorry that I am not perfect by your son. But by own estimation I don't need to be perfect I just need to be me.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
What is wrong with me?
What is wrong with me? Lately I seem to spiralling uncontrollably downward in to a world of selfishness. Can it be that I am so angry at the world that I have been blinded to my abject loss of morality and compassion?
Yes.
Now I have to wonder where this anger is coming from so I can let go of it and move on with my life. Until then nothing can get better things can only get worse. I am so angry that I often cannot feel remorse or regret or even sympathy until after the damage has been done and the words thrown back and forth like spears.
Yes.
Now I have to wonder where this anger is coming from so I can let go of it and move on with my life. Until then nothing can get better things can only get worse. I am so angry that I often cannot feel remorse or regret or even sympathy until after the damage has been done and the words thrown back and forth like spears.
Monday, December 1, 2008
History brick by brick
I sit here at the Starbucks by my house listening to the music as it emanated from the speakers.
Still I love days like this when the weather is nice and the people are milling about the streets lazily strolling to their destinations.
This is my favorite part of my hometown Pomona with all of its old buildings and the history that binds the bricks of the buildings together.
I have recently rediscovered some of the old jewels in Pomonas downtown area which combines the old with the new.
Yet I cannot help but feel the history in the buildings in this rustic yet metropolitan area of the city filled with brick buildings, bistros, bookstores, murals and lofts.
It was here that the heart of the city was born with the theater and the packing houses and where it was buried when all the stores moved out after the mall was built a few cities away.
Now new life is slowly coming back to this city.
The Glasshouse is here and the Fox Theater is slated to reopen in January. On weekends the streets that were once dead now teem with the young as they make their way to some of the clubs. And every second Saturday art lovers meander down the streets swaying to the sounds of live jazz as they stop at the galleries along Third and Thomas Streets. Yet as they walk they may not notice the sign for the old Pomona Bakery which closed years ago. But the times being what they are new bakery has opened up on Second Street where gourmet pastries delight customers. Now in a telling sign new has replaced the old but things have stayed the same.
Still I love days like this when the weather is nice and the people are milling about the streets lazily strolling to their destinations.
This is my favorite part of my hometown Pomona with all of its old buildings and the history that binds the bricks of the buildings together.
I have recently rediscovered some of the old jewels in Pomonas downtown area which combines the old with the new.
Yet I cannot help but feel the history in the buildings in this rustic yet metropolitan area of the city filled with brick buildings, bistros, bookstores, murals and lofts.
It was here that the heart of the city was born with the theater and the packing houses and where it was buried when all the stores moved out after the mall was built a few cities away.
Now new life is slowly coming back to this city.
The Glasshouse is here and the Fox Theater is slated to reopen in January. On weekends the streets that were once dead now teem with the young as they make their way to some of the clubs. And every second Saturday art lovers meander down the streets swaying to the sounds of live jazz as they stop at the galleries along Third and Thomas Streets. Yet as they walk they may not notice the sign for the old Pomona Bakery which closed years ago. But the times being what they are new bakery has opened up on Second Street where gourmet pastries delight customers. Now in a telling sign new has replaced the old but things have stayed the same.