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A Season of Hope

Because I'm in the mood to write some poetry because its Christmas, here are some of my Christmas favorites written by yours truly.

A Season of Hope

As the bells ring
And the halls are decked with holly
Hope is abound twinkling in the lights on the tree
And the snow falls blanketing the hate and fears of the world
In the pure white hopes of the day that love was born
As children watch the snow fall from their windows
The fire in the fireplace glistens like the hope in their eyes
And they know that the day of wonders has come
 
And here is another one of my favorite poems.
 
When The Light Came Down

The Light came a long time ago
It spread a message of hope and Love
Enjoy the Christmas Season for the Light has come
When the Light came down
The world was in Darkness
Now the Light is here to stay
Enjoy the Love of season
Let it fill everyone's hearts with Joy
Never forget the reason for the season
Now everyone sits around the Christmas Tree
and waits for their presents
They don't realize they have all been given a great gift
because when the Light came down
Love was born on Christmas Day

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The City on a Hill

I wrote this speech several years ago.  It defines the general philosophy in which I approach life and other people. Our are often filters for what is truth, but they don't always interpret truth as reality. Sometimes they let us see what we want to see. Its sad that I only developed this philosophy after the partial loss of my vision. I guess losing my sight helped me gain insight.

The City on a Hill
 
The way you look in this mirror is the way everyone else sees you.
People tend to make judgments with their eyes.
The eyes lead to the brain where judgments are made using the information that is given to us.
In my life, people have judged me quite often
because they have no idea what it is like to be me
People strive for tolerance
but we do not have to like what we tolerate
Last spring, I had a conversation with a friend who is blind.
I asked him what it is like to be blind?
He replied and said: "Its like closing your eyes."
I am sure that at some point we have all clsed our eyes so we can see what it is like to be blind.
What I am asking you to do is not all that different.
If you close your eyes, you will be more accepting of those who are different from you.
Acceptance will lead to more relationships and better friendships.
Acceptance is the city on a hill.
It overlooks the vast wasteland of ignorance.
The Road of Understanding winds up the hill, but the way is frought with peril.
The road passes through the city gates:
Tolerance.
Yet, we only stop there and do not enter the city.
We stop because of fear.
If we passed through the gate, then hatred and prejudice would end,
but if not, we would be carried by the winds to the valley below,
and we would destroy ourselves.
If you want to live ,
close your eyes
and take the first step.

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When should we stop caring?

When is it time to stop caring? To stop loving? To walk away and give up on your fellow man?
I have wondered about this question for some time now.  All I seem to get is more questions and fewer answers….
I see people in pain…or hurting…and I have this need to want to help.  I believe people can be better but not made better, but rather inspired to be better…
Perhaps when I see a problem or decent people struggling I can try to reach out and wipe away their tears.  Perhaps I can fight intolerance and hate and inform people about the world around them. Perhaps I can say a kind word or two to people when I see tears in their eyes. Perhaps we can all do those things.  But will it ever be enough? Will it be to the satisfaction of God? Will it be enough to redeem ourselves?
This is something that I believe in fervently.  It will never be enough.  All we can do is what we can.  All we can do is what we were meant to do.

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Billy Joe

 

Billy Joe had always believed in love

Until her husband Brian beat her beliefs out of her

She would tremble with fear

Hoping that he would not come home drunk

Because if he did,

His fists would come raining down on her like a hail of bullets

Their son would see this

And beat on kids in school

Using the same words that Brian used

Like father like son

Billy Joe loved her son dearly

And hated Brian

His constant abuse had left her broken

But one day Billy Joe found the resolve to fight back

Her end to the abuse was simple

She did it without even realizing what she had done

The prosecutor called Brian's murder a crime of passion

Billy Joe always maintained that it was self-defense

Through the trial

And into the sentencing

When she stood before the judge,

He gave her life in prison without the possibility of parole

Simply because she wanted to have a life free from abuse

And a free life she had in her jail cell

Her friends abandoned her

And her son refused to see her

Billy Joe spent many years in prison

Until one of the guards found her

She was hanging from the ceiling by her belt

At her feet was a small note addressed to her son

It said simply: I love you

Her funeral was very small

It was only attended by her son and his wife and daughter

All he could think about was the lesson he had learned

Love has nothing to do with control or fear or denigration

Love is commitment and respect and devotion

 

Flying to Make Believe

I wrote this because my inspiration seems to have left me for the moment.


She's gone to the wind
Never to return
I shall miss her so
But the winds of fate have flown her away
To that far a away land of make believe
Where gossamer hopes become reality
And the future remains unseen
And the possibility of what once might have been never looks back
As the light touches the ground in the land of make believe
In the arms of the melodies she sings
Placed there by the music of the world she has taken to be her everything
But I would give anything to have her back
to hear her voice
Her laugh
Her smile
And her tears
I am thankful to have known her
Yet I would give up my pen if just to hear her voice
For my pen is the only gift I have to sacrifice
And I am nothing without it
But sacrifice it I would
So that my Muse may smile kindly on me
Once again

The Forever Love

It lingers on idyllic nothingness
Yet dances to the beat of the heart
As the heart sings of all the joy in the world
While the eternal beat
Thump thumps
Causing the universe to expand and heave with each breath
As infinity wells in the eyes
And perhaps what should be never ends
While the dream chasers
Keep their loves fleeting
But in their hearts and souls
They know their love is forever
Like the daylight it breaks a virtuous new dawn
Of faith, hope, and love
A love that does not judge
And is as unconditional as the day itself
Which casts a light on the darkness in my heart
Showing that the dark is light
And lasting forever
This forever love
Although separated by time and distance
Has never failed or faltered
But has shined in the vast infinity of time
Which measures out love in seconds and minutes Traveling straight and true
To the point
Where faith, hope and love
Intertwine once more
Swirling like oil paint on the canvas of the universe
While the Great Artist paints a picture of forever love
That inspires a beautiful eternity
Of hoping, believing, and loving.

Torn Apart...(a homecoming)

Torn Apart...A homecoming
When the world was torn apart
The wayward spirit found something to believe in
But with what reason could he have known
That he would discover the world again
And see it as something wonderful and beautiful again.
And now the world is falling down around his ears
Like the walls of Jericho
And hope seems to be dying
But every time he closes his eyes
There he sees the muse of all muses
And the world does not seem so dark
But the world is spinning
And the world spins and spins
But there is one thing to seek
In this world
And that is this
One last moment
When the world is falling apart
And everything is thrown into Chaos
And pandemonium
But in that last moment
The true joy of the human spirit is found
And the turmoils and chaos ceases to exist
As the words run forth like water
And the wayward spirit those few brief moments Struggles to make sense of the chaos before him
But is separated once and for all
From the chaos in the process
Finding true purpose
In what he never thought
He could acknowledge
What he ran from since he was a boy
But now finds himself embracing his fears and differences
A struggle that tore apart the earth of his soul
And as the wasteland spreads out before him
He stands his hands exalting the divine amidst the chaos
Knowing that he has come home…

knowing me

A few weeks ago, I decided to visit campus and I ran into two good friends of mine. Its funny sometimes I don't feel different, but I always know that I am. I felt this way when I was on campus, not because my friends were unfriendly but because I found myself struggling to make conversation. I could see the happiness in their eyes as they saw me and I knew my eyes and face were their stoic selves. when I spoke to them I knew that there was this huge barrier between me and them and not just the customary three feet I like to have between me and other people. That distance I often measure out with my eyes. If anyone ever gets closer than that it makes me uncomfortable. In case you are wondering many autistics do this when speaking to people. Having a comfortable distance which is close enough for non-autistics to feel welcome to speak to us but far enough that they can't try and hug us or touch us without us knowing. For some autistics physical contacts bothers us. I barely tolerate being hugged. Our nerves are very sensitive and mine give me this tingling unpleasant feeling when someone touches me ie hugging or putting their hand on my shoulder, or anything else. Yet I hug people all the time, but still cringe a little at times, but the more I do it the more that tingling goes away.
I realize I have completely digressed from my earlier point about barriers.
As I have gotten older and have accepted who I am I have discovered what that barrier is that stands between me and other people:
Autism.
I have it.
Unless people have it they can never truly understand what it is. Evidence of this was when I asked some friends why they never responded to my tweets about autism on my twitter profile. The general response was they couldn't relate to the experience of having autism. Their inability to relate to me often makes me feel isolated and alone when I'm with my non-autistic friends. so today I asked myself the question is it possible to know a lot of people and have never truly know you? Yes. Particularly if they cant understand what you have to go through. People call me remarkable and inspiration when I see myself as neither of those things. I try to just be me. I'm often dysfunctional in my choices and behaviors and often say things that are seen as odd or awkward unless people take the time to listen and understand and get to know me. The best way to know me is to simply ask what is it like to be autistic? I just wish someone cared enough to ask that question.

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The fountain at the Music Center.

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Inside the Chandler Pavilion

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Inside the Chandler Pavilion

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The decorations at the Music Center

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The Dorothy Chandler Pavilion

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The Mark Taper Forum at the Music Center

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The throngs of people who volunteered their time on Thanksgiving to serve the homeless.

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Volunteers could sign bricks thanking County Supervisor Mike Antonovich for his support of the homeless.

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The lines of people at the Dinner-in-the-Park

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Matt and me at Thanksgiving Dinner-in-the-Park

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The serving tables at the Dinner-in-the-Park.

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Matt and me at Thanksgiving Dinner-in-the-Park

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The serving tables at the Dinner-in-the-Park.

Healthcare Solutions

People wait to get coverage because they can't afford the premiums...not because they are denied coverage. As a matter of fact many conditions which are congenital are included in the pre-existing condition coverage denial conditions such as autism, spina bifida and juvenile diabetes. So if you are not born into a family where your parents can afford to pay for health insurance premiums they are forced to go on Medicaid because they would not qualify for health insurance otherwise The real problem is not who has what condition but how much the doctors charge for their services and how high insurance premiums are. The only way to bring the premiums down while making sure everyone has coverage is by heavily regulating the industry. Literally laws on the books mandating certain charges for medical procedures and mandating a cap on insurance premiums. Employers offered group insurance which people with pre-existing conditions could get but because of the high insurance premiums many employers have stopped offering coverage. They only solution to the problem is through regulation because if competition was going to keep prices down it would have done so already.

The House of Cards

Last night the House voted to pass what Democrats claim was a change that the country needed, but what I saw last night was both parties obfuscating the truth for their own political gains. The Democrats are not the only assholes in Congress. Republicans in my view are just as bad and just as dangerous for the country as the Democrats. I think its time for a third party...because the Republicans and the Democrats represent the people. The government since WWII has been following a system of expansionist policies...some good some not good. What should have been done as Bill O'Reilly suggested was a bill that mandated insurance companies cover everyone and eliminate pre-existing condition coverage denial..let private companies operate the insurance under heavy government regulation including price control and no government run insurance program thereby letting people have a choice as to what insurance they have. but neither the Democrats nor the Republicans will do such a thing because let's face it ALL politicians are in bed with the lobbyists. Let's face it we got circled jerked a long time ago. No one in government has the gonads to do such a thing. Not Obama and the Democrats and not the Republicans. The bill that passed last night basically mandated that if people did not get insurance coverage they would have to pay a tax. While I am all for people paying their taxes let's just call it what it is a fine. People must pay this fine if they opt not to buy insurance. If they don't pay the fine they can be punished by paying $250,000 and/or prison. This sounds more like Soviet style gulag socialism. Also the insurance should you choose to get it and avoid jail time cannot be used to pay for abortion which makes pro life groups very happy. Basically if you decide you value your individual liberty and your right to choose you will go to jail.
The GOP plan is not much better. While allowing for group plans which traditionally add to competition, which makes the insurance industry happy. People can buy insurance across state lines which could make a huge legal mess. If people buy insurance across state lines thay insurance is governed by the laws of THAT state not the state in which the you live. Meaning you may not get the same coverage and may have to pay a different premium than your neighbor who bought insurance from another state as well. Also by buying out of state insurance you would be under the liability laws of that state, which may be fairly limited compared to the one you live in. While that may seem like a good thing because malpractice lawsuits do bring up health insurance costs it may also mean you are not as well covered as a patient in case of malpractice. The idea will make for a giant legal headache like how to regulate out of state insurances in a state like say California and how such coverage can be applied and so on an so forth.
The vote last night was basically along party lines, but were any of the politicians actually listening to what their constituents actually have to say? No.
Neither Republicans nor Democrats understand the anger that is brewing in the American people because neither party is listening to their constituents. How can they when the only voices they heard are the voices of Dollar Bill as hes being put in their wallets by the lobbies which care less about the people than they do about maintaining their own power and by their own greed. As long as the Democrats and the Republicans don't have the will to take on the lobbies and actually do what is best for the country even if that means crossing party lines change will not happen. I laugh when politicians on both the left and the right talk about real Americans and their values and what real Americans want because the real America they talk about no longer exists. They let it die. They let it be strangled to death by their greed and corruption. Democrats AND Republicans are bad for this country. Its time to get rid of them all and knock over this House of Cards.

absence

Apparently I have been remiss in writing for my blog for sometime because for lack of a better excuse I have been extremely busy with my internship at Fox News.
The internship has now come to an end and I now find myself in Indianapolis at the Society of Professional Journalists Conference after having spent the past week in Chicago visiting my friend Cristina which was fun. Cristina is an awesome person and it seems that she has so much drive and determination that it seems impossible to fit in her relatively small frame. Still there is much to be said about the value of hard work. Now having spent a week in Chicago I loved that city very much. it was clean and beautiful and the buildings teemed with history like the old Marshall Fields department store which was the first department store ever. It seems that as much as New York was about taking chances and seeking better opportunities Chicago was about innovation.

A New York State of Mind

I am beginning to feel less like an Out-of-Towner and more like a New Yorker. Perhaps I should explain. Am I using expletives and foul language at any given opportunity? No. Do I like the Yankees? Definitely not. Am I beginning to feel more settled and accustomed to the vibe of this city, a vibe that never seems to end and finds new life after the night has settled in? Yes.

Even when I was home in California I did not feel like I belonged there. I felt like a New Yorker. I felt like this was the city I was destined to live and work in. My friends from school who are interning here are finding that they want to go back home, to what is comfortable and most familiar to them. Partly because the have been unable to find work and partly because they miss the state that is their world. Californians have this arrogance because it's engrained in their heads from early on that the world revolves around California and the miles of coastline. Upon moving here, I learned that the world doesn't care about beaches. It doesn't care at all. My friends think California is the center of the world. They don't realize New York is the capitol of the world.

New Yorkers have this sort of me first attitude which to my friends from California seems pushy but to me it seems to be more about survival. There is a reason the city is called the Jungle. It's survival of the fittest. For Californians who are laid back and not used to competition the city can seem scary. For me, not so much. I understand the need to compete and in fact thrive in an environment which can be as cutthroat as card sharks circling around the weakest player at the table. In order to survive in this city a certain measure of risk must be taken perhaps more than what many of my friends from California are ready to take. One never gains anything if they are not willing to risk everything for the promise of a big payoff. Given the history of this city and the throngs of immigrants who came here risking everything to build as better life I am beginning to acknowledge that taking a gamble at life is what makes a New Yorker.

Loss

I have been dealing with a lot the past week or so and it seems as if the world has ripped right out from under my feet. And as I fall what used to give me security is no longer there. Such is the way things go when someone you care about deeply is tragically ripped from your life. All you can do is try to pick up the pieces and hope for some semblance of normality at a time when what made things normal is no longer there.

Making Connections

Work is not the only thing in an intern’s life.

While we as interns have to focus a lot of our intention on our internship and try to have the best experience possible, doing well at your internship is only part of having a great experience. Making friends while you are here is just as important as the doing well at work.

For me having travelled 3,000 miles to do my internship the idea of making friends is important particularly since I did not know anyone when I arrived here in New York. For the first few weeks I spent much time by myself. Partly because I noticed that many people who I live with in my residence knew each other or had friends that lived in the city. So trying to fit in seemed like a daunting task, until it dawned on that that is what they were trying to do. As much as people seem they are different they more they seem the same. Perhaps the best help to get to know people is the residence that I live in, which offers excursions and trips for the residents to various events and attractions and has offered me the opportunity to meet interesting and fun people. Knowing that there are other people who are of the same age that I am, and that are dealing with a lot of the same issues such as getting used to this city and their new internships is a major benefit and ice breaker of sorts. Having common ground helps, but living in the same building helps even more. Especially since the residence is more like a college dorm than an apartment building.

Still the transition has been made a lot easier when I met up with some fellow Cal State Fullerton graduates who are also in New York it felt like there was a piece of home here in New York and the experience was made all that much better and we chatted about how the recent storms we have been having have been more like California winters. In California the people would bundle themselves up. Here New Yorkers at times were walking in the rain without so much as an umbrella. I found myself doing the same thing on a few occasions. When in Rome do as the Romans do or you can always buy an umbrella from a street vendor who can be found at the entrance to a subway station hoping to sell one to the masses that make their exodus from the underground during rush hour.

a clear thought

it just dawned on me at this very moment that being 3,000 miles away from everyone I know is not all its cracked up to be. part of me feels a bit homesick. but possibly because the idea of striking out on my own is somewhat scary. particularly to someone like me who left home and a lot of friends behind. still the people here are cool and I am getting to know people more at the place I am living. living in the ehs residence definitely has its plusses because of its college dorm like environment and all the social activities that they sponsor. it provides great opportunities to get to know people here. and the more I do the more I feel at home. the same way at my internship. the more coworkers and fellow interns I meet the comfortable I become. this is networking at its most basic level. networking not only provides you with opportunities for advancement but for support when you are falling behind. I took the time to tell some of the editors at foxnews.com that I have a disability and the response has been supportive and I as a response have felt encouraged to do my best and have been putting every effort to succeed at the internship and have really learned a lot about what kind of effort it takes to run a news website. it takes a lot but everything goes almost smoothly because of the communication that goes on at the office. I walk and I know I am in a newsroom. it feels like a newsroom but its an efficient one due to the system of IM based communication the editors use to communicate with each other. after a while I have begun to be accustomed to the rhythm of how things are done at the newsroom. and have begun to become comfortable there and at the residence, but more so at my internship than at home. sounds strange to be calling it my home but my heart is beginning to become comfortable here. and home is where the heart is. And as I write this the less homesick and the more comfortable I become.

Staying on Track

Staying on Track

For many the New York subway system is the lifeblood of the city as it takes people to and from their destination. Yet, for those who are not familiar with the system it can be as confusing as trying to figure out Einstein’s Theory of Relativity without the E or the C2.
Having been two New York twice before, and having ridden public transportation in my native Los Angeles, I was not completely unfamiliar with how a public transportation system worked. Still there is nothing like a New York City subway. I realize that by referring to it as the subway I am marking myself as an Out of Towner because I learned from someone that the subway is referred to as the train. When I think of trains, I think of Amtrak, not a metal tube speeding through the underbelly of a city.
The system was a little daunting to learn because knowing where each stop is is only half the battle.
In Los Angeles, all the rail lines are named after a color, the red line, the purple line, and so on and so forth. Here in New York the system works a little differently. Instead of the Los Angeles rainbow New York has the alphabet soup. The lines are named after letters and numbers, and to make matters worse depending on the destination a color. The 4, 5, and 6 trains are green. The N, Q, R and W trains are yellow, the A, C, and E trains are blue while the F, J, and V trains are brown. At first that made my head spin but then I realized that the train numbers and whether or not they are express or local are what matter. Local trains like the 6. the N, the Q, the R, and the W trains will stop at every station. Express trains like the 4, and the 5 trains will not stop at every station. The stations while conveniently located near most places in the city can be confusing particularly since they are more like freeways for people especially during rush hour when people are disembarking from the trains en masse. After having gotten off at the wrong station and not to mention the wrong train at least four or five times during my first week in New York I realized after being helped by some other riders that the stations are marked with signs telling people where they need to go to transfer trains or exit on the right street.
The existence of signs was not as surprising as the willingness that some New Yorkers have towards helping others find their way on the subway system. I guess when you are standing on the platform looking around and walking in circles trying to make sense of the signs with a rather wide eyed look does indicate to people that you are not from around here.
I had heard many times never look a New Yorker in the eye especially while on the subway. After being helped various times on the subway and successfully managing to navigate to my way on the train my starry-eyed wonderment and confusion now somewhat dissipated I began to notice that while I was spending my time trying to not look at the other passengers I noticed out of the corner of my eye that is exactly what is what the other riders were doing. If they were not reading, a newspaper, a book, texting on their phone, or listening to their Ipod they were staring at the floor, at the walls, or at their feet with this rather blank look on their face like statues that only seemed to move when the train hit a bump or came to a stop. When that happened, people would do whatever they could to not fall on the person next to them because they were tightly packed in the cars like sardines. Looking at the other passengers I felt that there was this huge divide because we as humans place so much intimate value on the simple looking people in the eyes that sometimes when I am on my way to work I feel a slight sense of disassociation. They say its easy to get lost in the city. Now I see why no one can see you if they are not looking then when the train stopped and the doors opened it was like peeling back the lid of a can and letting some of the pressure out. The passengers would literally tumble out of the car and move like a giant wave in the same direction: the exit.

long absence

It seems I have been remiss in writing in my blog for quite sometime. A lot has happened since my last blog but I am tired and will write it tomorrow.

Comm 334 Profile

Robert Moran

Comm 334

Profile

Service and curiosity. Those two ideals are the best way to describe Sarah Paulsen. Paulsen is a print journalism major at Cal State Fullerton. Although it is her major it is not her calling. In high school Paulsen went on several mission trips. She traveled to Chile five times and to Mexico four times all the while balancing her classes and her work for her high school newspaper.

Now in her early twenties, Paulsen sat down for her interview with the Daily Titan wearing a light blue sweater and a light gray hat with a short brim that almost was similar to the design of an engineer's cap. From underneath her cap brown hair gently flowed down the sides of her head well past her ears and just past her shoulders. Her clear skin seemed to glow in the flourescent lights as she spoke.

Beneath her wire rimmed glasses her brown eyes suggested a deep self-confidence and sense of purpose because her eyes never seemed to waver as she spoke, but her eyes became animated and her voice hinted at a sense of excitement as she talked about her writing.

Her non-wavering love of writing has helped her in her forward trajectory from a high school missionary to journalism student.

Her love of writing was, in fact, the primary reason for her decision to major in journalism. Even though Paulsen is majoring in journalism, she is not a student at CSUF She is,in fact, a student at Hope International University a Christian school, which resides across the street from CSUF. She is attending classes at CSUF through a cross-enrollment agreement between the two universities. Paulsen originally did not major in journalism instead she studied the ministry because she originally wanted to be a missionary but her love of writing got the best of her and she changed her major.

“ I started going to different countries, but I changed my mind and decided to stay here and write,” Paulsen said.

In her first two years of college Paulsen served as both copy editor and features editor for the Hope International Tribune. Of the two she loved feature writing because of what she could do with it.

“ I felt I wanted to write stories about people and things that have a positive impact,” Paulsen said.

Still, she is not picky about the stories she writes about as in everything she does her love of writing has influenced her in this area as well.

“ I love writing, so I could write about anything...even something small. Even if its not a popular story I would write about it,” Paulsen said.

World Musicians on Fox News Channel's The Strategy Room

Meghan McCain on Larry King Live

Palin Protest Costa Mesa 10-4-08

Check out the dueling Palins at 2:48

Brea Jazz Festival

This was fun to shoot!

Cal State Fullerton Students Win 2008 FOX News Channel College Challenge

Our live interview on Fox and Friends...but University of California Fullerton? haha. I decided to invest the money in my future and am using for my housing in New York!

SoCal Immigration: Law, Labor, Liberty [FOX News Challenge '08]

This is the video that won the Fox News College Challenge last year. I am proud to say that I was on the team that produced this great video. As a result of winning I will be doing an internship with Fox News Channel this summer in New York City!!!

Mihaylo Courtyard: for Comm 334

The light dancing off the windows gives off this joyful and majestic salute to those who happen to pass under the archway at the north end of the courtyard. Like the opening scenes of a grand ballet the archway increases in its majesty as one approaches it between the buildings on the north side of Steven G. Mihaylo Hall.

When one does enter the courtyard the grand opening of the ballet descends into the subtle and tranquil sounds of the second movement. A bronze statue of Mihaylo himself sits patiently on the as if waiting for more grandiosity to come from the Sun as it reflects off of the glass which covers most of the buildings. Or perhaps he is staring at his own reflection and admiring the modern architecture with its large window that seem to welcome anyone into the building.

Or maybe he is waiting for the year-old tree in the courtyard to grow slowly and spread its branches like the knowledge of the students who pass by the courtyard and glance at the statue as if to say thank you.

Still, the moderness of the buildings is as inviting as its windows are large with its fresh paint that has not turned a beige color with the test of time.

Staring at the entrance to the southern building, the north building and the south building can be seen reflecting in the glass. Perhaps due to the oval curvature of the buildings which create the semi-circle in which the courtyard lays. As one walks around the building one cannot help but feel surrounded or better yet protected by the buildings until one leaves and with one last look watches as the archway slowly shrinks in the distance.

No Facebook: Day 3

Life seems to get a little stranger without the use of the 'book. Since it took up most of my time, I am now spending my time either studying more or just trying to find anything to do. Being off the 'book has had its advantages not spending hours on the computer at the very least keeps me from getting dry eye like I used to.

Still the idea of what to do with my time vexes me. Today I was helping m friend Kami out with a project. She is interviewing me for a project for one of her grad school classes and she asked me what I like to do as hobby. I remember struggling to answer that question and finally saying that I go to the movies. To be honest it was the only thing I could think of to say. I really did not have any other hobbies or any at all for that matter because I was so addicted to Facebook and spent all my free time on the site, and as mentioned in my first blog when my friends were around.

Now I am spending my time trying to figure out what exactly it is that I like doing because honestly I do not have the slightest idea.

 

No Facebook: Day Two

Today was a disaster...at least it started off that way. Perhaps the disaster was due to the aftermath of all the drama that happened last night and spending the rest of the day recovering from that tornado of events...I was not able to get much done.

I may have even failed my comm 317 quiz, which frustrates me, but there is nothing that can be done at this point. Still as much the aftermath of all the drama last night took its toll on me emotionally and left me tired and depressed throughout the day, but my spirits were picked up when my friend April invited me to have lunch with her at Chipotle and I ran into my friend Jackie who I had not seen since last semester. Seeing those two always seems to lift my spirits, but as I was eating lunch I noticed that I actually went through the whole meal and walk to and from the Chipotle on State College without pulling out my phone and going on facebook although I kept thinking about doing just that the whole time I was there. By not doing so I felt like I was taking part in a complete and meaningful conversation with someone. Still I noticed that my social and eating skills were a bit lacking in some areas but thats to expected when someone such as myself spends most of his time online instead of out in the real world.

No Facebook: Day One

The first day without a facebook.

If you are reading this on the site its probably because every time I write a blog it is automatically imported to Facebook even without me using the site.

The day I would say was pretty productive. Instead of spending my time trolling around on other people's profiles...obsessively and compulsively sometimes for several hours...the longest time was a 4 hours of being logged in. I was able to get a lot done...including the reading for my anthropology class which I have been behind in ever since the beginning of the semester...which was a good thing considering my somewhat obsessive-compulsive tendencies towards social networking sites...some of which I have come to realize are a complete waste of time...I refuse to respond to comments and wall posts and all the fucking lols and hahas.

So instead of spending an inordinate amount of time on my fat ass staring at a computer screen and the picture of some drunk friend exposing his alcoholism on Facebook. I studied, called the caterer went to church to get my ashes and started writing again.

Not writing for me, particularly here in my blog was perhaps the worst part of my addiction to Facebook.

I mean my addiction to that site was so bad that I would literally be constantly scanning for new friend updates on my blackberry so focused on what I was doing that I would literally walk into things like streets with on coming traffic and the like. As of midnight I signed out my Facebook account and have been walking with my blackberry in hand waiting for the next wall post or message. I still did get a lot of email notifications from Facebook from people writing on my wall, but instead of responding I just went on my way and updated my Twitter account which I forgot was connected to mt Facebook.

Since I am not trolling around the Facebook site for hours on end...I even started filling my time reading stuff , like the newspaper and books and in a few hours I had finished that book the Wizards First Rule which I had started reading in December but stopped because my Facebook addiction had consumed so much of my time.

Now I use my Twitter account more as I have been for the past several weeks because it is not such a time consuming and site and it allows me to write a blog...or better yet anything at all...simply as if I was just sending a text message.

Also I found that the more time I spent on Facebook I was isolated from the world. A lot of time I would just pull out Blackberry and log onto my facebook when I was in other peoples company primarily so I could avoid having to actually talk to a human being. A recent time that I noticed myself doing this was at Angela's coming home party just before just before school started. I remember as she was driving me home pulling out my blackberry and logging onto my facebook. I saw her kind of glance at me and it was just then that I began to realize that I had an addiction that was beyond obsessive. I mean here I was using facebook to chat with other people instead of talking to a friend of mine who I had not seen in three months and had just returned from Australia. I realized what kind of person would do that? A selfish one, but then addiction is a selfish thing.

irony

Irony is writing my last blog on my Blackberry but such is my own hypocrisy.

a few brief words...

Could it be possible that with every passing second the words that were once my joy to create a no longer mine? I have become uncertain in this craft of writing almost like a deaf man who has lost the ability to speak but can still see with his eyes and absorb information but has absorbed so much information that he has become stupid and lazy.
I once wrote everything of mine down in a notebook but soon traded everything in for the convenience of a computer and over time have become like all the other inept useless ignorant fools that cannot survive without their laptops and their smartphones unable to write a single sentence without an lol or an brb or some other abbreviation of a word.
These linguistic perversions are destroying language. Maybe it may not seem that important but language is the basis of culture. Once we lose our language we lose ourselves.