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Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
A Season of Hope
Because I'm in the mood to write some poetry because its Christmas, here are some of my Christmas favorites written by yours truly.
A Season of HopeAs the bells ring
And the halls are decked with holly
Hope is abound twinkling in the lights on the tree
And the snow falls blanketing the hate and fears of the world
In the pure white hopes of the day that love was born
As children watch the snow fall from their windows
The fire in the fireplace glistens like the hope in their eyes
And they know that the day of wonders has come
And here is another one of my favorite poems.
When The Light Came Down
The Light came a long time ago
It spread a message of hope and Love
Enjoy the Christmas Season for the Light has come
When the Light came down
The world was in Darkness
Now the Light is here to stay
Enjoy the Love of season
Let it fill everyone's hearts with Joy
Never forget the reason for the season
Now everyone sits around the Christmas Tree
and waits for their presents
They don't realize they have all been given a great gift
because when the Light came down
Love was born on Christmas Day
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
The City on a Hill
I wrote this speech several years ago. It defines the general philosophy in which I approach life and other people. Our are often filters for what is truth, but they don't always interpret truth as reality. Sometimes they let us see what we want to see. Its sad that I only developed this philosophy after the partial loss of my vision. I guess losing my sight helped me gain insight.
The City on a Hill
The way you look in this mirror is the way everyone else sees you.
People tend to make judgments with their eyes.
The eyes lead to the brain where judgments are made using the information that is given to us.
In my life, people have judged me quite often
because they have no idea what it is like to be me
People strive for tolerance
but we do not have to like what we tolerate
Last spring, I had a conversation with a friend who is blind.
I asked him what it is like to be blind?
He replied and said: "Its like closing your eyes."
I am sure that at some point we have all clsed our eyes so we can see what it is like to be blind.
What I am asking you to do is not all that different.
If you close your eyes, you will be more accepting of those who are different from you.
Acceptance will lead to more relationships and better friendships.
Acceptance is the city on a hill.
It overlooks the vast wasteland of ignorance.
The Road of Understanding winds up the hill, but the way is frought with peril.
The road passes through the city gates:
Tolerance.
Yet, we only stop there and do not enter the city.
We stop because of fear.
If we passed through the gate, then hatred and prejudice would end,
but if not, we would be carried by the winds to the valley below,
and we would destroy ourselves.
If you want to live ,
close your eyes
and take the first step.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
When should we stop caring?
When is it time to stop caring? To stop loving? To walk away and give up on your fellow man?
I have wondered about this question for some time now. All I seem to get is more questions and fewer answers….
I see people in pain…or hurting…and I have this need to want to help. I believe people can be better but not made better, but rather inspired to be better…
Perhaps when I see a problem or decent people struggling I can try to reach out and wipe away their tears. Perhaps I can fight intolerance and hate and inform people about the world around them. Perhaps I can say a kind word or two to people when I see tears in their eyes. Perhaps we can all do those things. But will it ever be enough? Will it be to the satisfaction of God? Will it be enough to redeem ourselves?
This is something that I believe in fervently. It will never be enough. All we can do is what we can. All we can do is what we were meant to do.
I have wondered about this question for some time now. All I seem to get is more questions and fewer answers….
I see people in pain…or hurting…and I have this need to want to help. I believe people can be better but not made better, but rather inspired to be better…
Perhaps when I see a problem or decent people struggling I can try to reach out and wipe away their tears. Perhaps I can fight intolerance and hate and inform people about the world around them. Perhaps I can say a kind word or two to people when I see tears in their eyes. Perhaps we can all do those things. But will it ever be enough? Will it be to the satisfaction of God? Will it be enough to redeem ourselves?
This is something that I believe in fervently. It will never be enough. All we can do is what we can. All we can do is what we were meant to do.
Billy Joe
Billy Joe had always believed in love
Until her husband Brian beat her beliefs out of her
She would tremble with fear
Hoping that he would not come home drunk
Because if he did,
His fists would come raining down on her like a hail of bullets
Their son would see this
And beat on kids in school
Using the same words that Brian used
Like father like son
Billy Joe loved her son dearly
And hated Brian
His constant abuse had left her broken
But one day Billy Joe found the resolve to fight back
Her end to the abuse was simple
She did it without even realizing what she had done
The prosecutor called Brian's murder a crime of passion
Billy Joe always maintained that it was self-defense
Through the trial
And into the sentencing
When she stood before the judge,
He gave her life in prison without the possibility of parole
Simply because she wanted to have a life free from abuse
And a free life she had in her jail cell
Her friends abandoned her
And her son refused to see her
Billy Joe spent many years in prison
Until one of the guards found her
She was hanging from the ceiling by her belt
At her feet was a small note addressed to her son
It said simply: I love you
Her funeral was very small
It was only attended by her son and his wife and daughter
All he could think about was the lesson he had learned
Love has nothing to do with control or fear or denigration
Love is commitment and respect and devotion
Flying to Make Believe
I wrote this because my inspiration seems to have left me for the moment.
She's gone to the wind
Never to return
I shall miss her so
But the winds of fate have flown her away
To that far a away land of make believe
Where gossamer hopes become reality
And the future remains unseen
And the possibility of what once might have been never looks back
As the light touches the ground in the land of make believe
In the arms of the melodies she sings
Placed there by the music of the world she has taken to be her everything
But I would give anything to have her back
to hear her voice
Her laugh
Her smile
And her tears
I am thankful to have known her
Yet I would give up my pen if just to hear her voice
For my pen is the only gift I have to sacrifice
And I am nothing without it
But sacrifice it I would
So that my Muse may smile kindly on me
Once again
She's gone to the wind
Never to return
I shall miss her so
But the winds of fate have flown her away
To that far a away land of make believe
Where gossamer hopes become reality
And the future remains unseen
And the possibility of what once might have been never looks back
As the light touches the ground in the land of make believe
In the arms of the melodies she sings
Placed there by the music of the world she has taken to be her everything
But I would give anything to have her back
to hear her voice
Her laugh
Her smile
And her tears
I am thankful to have known her
Yet I would give up my pen if just to hear her voice
For my pen is the only gift I have to sacrifice
And I am nothing without it
But sacrifice it I would
So that my Muse may smile kindly on me
Once again
Sunday, December 20, 2009
The Forever Love
It lingers on idyllic nothingness
Yet dances to the beat of the heart
As the heart sings of all the joy in the world
While the eternal beat
Thump thumps
Causing the universe to expand and heave with each breath
As infinity wells in the eyes
And perhaps what should be never ends
While the dream chasers
Keep their loves fleeting
But in their hearts and souls
They know their love is forever
Like the daylight it breaks a virtuous new dawn
Of faith, hope, and love
A love that does not judge
And is as unconditional as the day itself
Which casts a light on the darkness in my heart
Showing that the dark is light
And lasting forever
This forever love
Although separated by time and distance
Has never failed or faltered
But has shined in the vast infinity of time
Which measures out love in seconds and minutes Traveling straight and true
To the point
Where faith, hope and love
Intertwine once more
Swirling like oil paint on the canvas of the universe
While the Great Artist paints a picture of forever love
That inspires a beautiful eternity
Of hoping, believing, and loving.
Torn Apart...(a homecoming)
Torn Apart...A homecoming
When the world was torn apart
The wayward spirit found something to believe in
But with what reason could he have known
That he would discover the world again
And see it as something wonderful and beautiful again.
And now the world is falling down around his ears
Like the walls of Jericho
And hope seems to be dying
But every time he closes his eyes
There he sees the muse of all muses
And the world does not seem so dark
But the world is spinning
And the world spins and spins
But there is one thing to seek
In this world
And that is this
One last moment
When the world is falling apart
And everything is thrown into Chaos
And pandemonium
But in that last moment
The true joy of the human spirit is found
And the turmoils and chaos ceases to exist
As the words run forth like water
And the wayward spirit those few brief moments Struggles to make sense of the chaos before him
But is separated once and for all
From the chaos in the process
Finding true purpose
In what he never thought
He could acknowledge
What he ran from since he was a boy
But now finds himself embracing his fears and differences
A struggle that tore apart the earth of his soul
And as the wasteland spreads out before him
He stands his hands exalting the divine amidst the chaos
Knowing that he has come home…
Thursday, December 17, 2009
knowing me
A few weeks ago, I decided to visit campus and I ran into two good friends of mine. Its funny sometimes I don't feel different, but I always know that I am. I felt this way when I was on campus, not because my friends were unfriendly but because I found myself struggling to make conversation. I could see the happiness in their eyes as they saw me and I knew my eyes and face were their stoic selves. when I spoke to them I knew that there was this huge barrier between me and them and not just the customary three feet I like to have between me and other people. That distance I often measure out with my eyes. If anyone ever gets closer than that it makes me uncomfortable. In case you are wondering many autistics do this when speaking to people. Having a comfortable distance which is close enough for non-autistics to feel welcome to speak to us but far enough that they can't try and hug us or touch us without us knowing. For some autistics physical contacts bothers us. I barely tolerate being hugged. Our nerves are very sensitive and mine give me this tingling unpleasant feeling when someone touches me ie hugging or putting their hand on my shoulder, or anything else. Yet I hug people all the time, but still cringe a little at times, but the more I do it the more that tingling goes away.
I realize I have completely digressed from my earlier point about barriers.
As I have gotten older and have accepted who I am I have discovered what that barrier is that stands between me and other people:
Autism.
I have it.
Unless people have it they can never truly understand what it is. Evidence of this was when I asked some friends why they never responded to my tweets about autism on my twitter profile. The general response was they couldn't relate to the experience of having autism. Their inability to relate to me often makes me feel isolated and alone when I'm with my non-autistic friends. so today I asked myself the question is it possible to know a lot of people and have never truly know you? Yes. Particularly if they cant understand what you have to go through. People call me remarkable and inspiration when I see myself as neither of those things. I try to just be me. I'm often dysfunctional in my choices and behaviors and often say things that are seen as odd or awkward unless people take the time to listen and understand and get to know me. The best way to know me is to simply ask what is it like to be autistic? I just wish someone cared enough to ask that question.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
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